Auron Out-Takes
by BlitheringBard
Summary: Beware of Bored Bards... possible spoilers... Back by popular demand! Or... er... back for no good reason whatsoever
1. Default Chapter

Blatherings: I need a break from Otherworld, and refuse to be engaged in anything worthwhile today, so I'm posting this bit of silliness I did awhile back. If you find it amusing, I have more. If you do not, I'm crushed... and will fling myself off of the nearest tall building.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
AURON OUT-TAKE #1  
Scene: Seymour's Mansion, Take 2  
  
  
Director: and, ACTION  
  
Seymour: I beg your pardon, we Guado are keen to the scent of the Farplane.   
  
fade to camera right   
  
Tidus: [walks up to Auron and sniffs him]  
  
Auron: ENOUGH! [draws his sword and strikes Tidus with it, sending him headlong across the banquet table, food flying in all directions]  
  
Director: CUT! CUT! Auron! You're just supposed to shove him, not overdrive him for crap sake!  
  
Auron: I protest, I demand a re-write, this scene is undignified....   
  
Director: [groans] Okay....that's a wrap for the day folks, let's get the banquet table set up again, and would someone please try to remove that kiwi from Tidus' forehead?  
  
fade to black  
  
  
************  
  
  
AURON OUT-TAKE #2  
Scene: Fiend Attack on Luca Stadium, Take 14  
  
  
Director: Cue the fiend!  
  
Auron: [whips the arm of death from his robe and crouches in his prepare to die stance]  
  
Fiend: [whimpers, loses control of its bowels, and falls dead at Auron's feet]  
  
Director: CUT! Auron? Could you maybe be a little LESS dangerous looking? The fiends are refusing to come out of their trailer. 


	2. AOT Part 2

Blatherings: Forgive me.  
  
  
  
AURON OUT-TAKE #3  
Scene: Moonflow, Take 22  
  
  
Director: and action!  
  
Yuna: Sir Auron... I would like Rikku to be my guardian.   
  
Auron: [walks to Rikku and studies her... Rikku drops her head] Show me your face.   
  
Rikku: Huh?   
  
Auron: Look at me.  
  
Rikku: Oh, okay. [Rikku looks up at Auron... her eyes closed]   
  
Auron: Open your eyes.  
  
Rikku: [opens both eyes and crosses them... sticking out her tongue]   
  
Auron: [completely loses it... laughing uncontrollably]   
  
Director: CUT! Can we get through this scene please? Auron... what's your problem?!  
  
Auron: I can't be held responsible... this girl is incorrigible.  
  
Rikku: What? I didn't do anything... he's full of it.  
  
Auron: [growls and lunges at Rikku... she giggles hysterically and flees... Auron chasing her]  
  
Director: [moaning] If anyone needs me... I'll be in the bar.  
  
  
************  
  
  
AURON OUT-TAKE #4  
Scene: Luca Blitzball Tournament, Take 1  
  
  
Director: Cue the crowd [the stadium goes wild with screaming fans]  
  
Director: and announcers -- Action  
  
Bobba: But who could have imagined... A championship game between these two teams? Our legendary Luca Goers going against... the horrendously ill-fated Besaid Aurochs!   
  
Jimma: And not only that Bobba, we've got some special guests with us here today... all the way from FanFictionDotNet! It's the members of the Auron Rehab Foundation! Let's give 'em a Big Luca Welcome!  
[crowd cheers and begins to chant... ARF! ARF! ARF! while doing the auron-sama-cabbage-patch]  
  
fade to camera right, closeup of stairwell  
  
Auron: [strides up the stairs to enter the stadium]  
  
ARF Member 1: Oh Gawd! It's Aurry-pie!! [drools, drops her auron-plushie and faints]  
  
ARF Member 2: [jumping up and down] Auron! Will you sign my fanfic?  
  
ARF Member 3: [leaps out of the stands and dives at Auron's feet, wrapping her arms around his ankles] I love you!! I've always loved you!! I want to have your children!! eeeee!!!  
  
Auron: [dragging whimpering fangirl as he attempts to walk] This is highly irregular... this is not scripted... was there a re-write I am not aware of?  
  
ARF Mob: He's getting away! Auron! Come back! [the mob streams out of the stands in a frenzied dash, closing rapidly on the crimson hunk]  
  
Auron: Oh shit [pries himself loose from ankle-grabber... drops his sword... and runs]   
  
Director: CUT! What the hell's going on here?! This is supposed to be a Blitz scene! Get these women out of here! SECURITY!!! 


End file.
